He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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