the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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