when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
