I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
