i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize