problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
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Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
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You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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