i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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