so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
