so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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