Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize