When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
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He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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