So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im holly from the hills drunk
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
