My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
