Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
