good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
