Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I pour the whiskey from now on
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
