Moan for me like Helen Keller
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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