Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
