Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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