look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
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Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
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Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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