Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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