oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
