he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
