i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
