That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
