dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
