I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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