I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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