Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
