another moral hangover. fuck.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
