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• (913): View more from Kansas

  So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized

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• (347): View more from New York

  she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.

  (1-347): View more from New York

  ofcourse you didnt.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice

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• (707): View more from California

  After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.

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• (619): View more from California

  Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?

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• (562): View more from California

  I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.

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• (650): View more from California

  Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.

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