At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
