I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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