So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
