the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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