Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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