Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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