Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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