I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
