It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
