I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
