remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
