We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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