i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
