I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
