i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
