So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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