mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
