I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
