The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
