just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
