I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
