Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
