Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
