My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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