Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
