dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
