There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
