You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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