Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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