he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We're too hungover to prance.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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