Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize