this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
