I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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