Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
