i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
