1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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