Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
