so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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