i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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